Loco Parentis

i've moved

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 17:21:00 +0000

My blog has moved. Visit my new home on the web at: KatieAllisonGranju.com

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 02:43:00 +0000

I finally got the photos from our vacation. Here is one of Jane and me.

my neighborhood - this weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 03 Dec 2004 19:09:00 +0000

We in Old North Knoxville hope you can attend the 16th Annual Victorian Holiday Home Tour.

When: Saturday, Dec. 4th from 4 - 9 p.m. and Sunday, December 5th from 1 - 5 p.m.
Where: Old North Knoxville
What: 10 homes and 1 church representing late 19th and early 20th architecture
How: Buy advance tickets at area Kroger stores. Tickets now are $8 a piece.

On the days of the tour, the price of tickets is $10 a piece and must be purchased at the booth in the St. Mary's lot on Woodland Ave. Trolleys will be provided to take on the tour and will stop at each home and the church so you can get out and go inside to tour. Trolleys leave from and return to the St. Mary's parking lot.

There are also three door prizes that you can register for.

The Fulton High School Choir will be singing Christmas songs and will be dressed in period costumes.

You can also purchase a Christmas ornament featuring the Brimer House Inn, the first bead and breakfast in an historic neighborhood in Knoxville.

For further details, call 523-HONK (4665) or visit www.oldnorthknoxville.org/hometour.htm.

no sale

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 03 Dec 2004 15:11:00 +0000

Trying to sell writing is hard work. It also involves a lot of rejection. In fact, I would say that being able to accept and then shake off rejection may be the most critical business skill a writer can have.

I was rejected this week by a major publisher that had shown strong interest in a book proposal my agent has been trying to sell for about a year. I'm disappointed, but not crushed. I just don't think this book was meant to be, so I am moving on to some other ideas.

But early on in my writing career, this would have kicked my ass. Now I can shake it off and there's something satisfying in that.

camera?

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 25 Nov 2004 14:57:00 +0000

i want to buy an affordable small video camera that also takes good stills. it needs to do well with distance & action shots, but will rarely be used in low light situations.

i don't really care what format it records in as long as I can also use a firewire to transfer the pix and video directly to my computer.

I welcome any and all suggestions because i'm pretty overwhelmed with all the options. so let me know if you have a video camera that you like.

Katie

star struck

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 23 Nov 2004 01:35:00 +0000

I've had the opportunity to interview some really interesting people for various magazine and newspaper articles, but tomorrow, I get to have a real fan moment when I interview David O'Connor.

He's the head of the

choosing not to hit

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 13 Nov 2004 02:27:00 +0000

My friend Hilary Flower is working on her second book for La Leche League. Her new book is about gentle discipline, and she asked me to write the foreword. You should definitely buy Hilary's new book (as well as her wonderful first book).

This is the foreword I wrote for her:

The Discipline of Gentle Discipline

by Katie Allison Granju

Sometimes, I really, really feel like hitting my kids.

There, I’ve said it out loud.

It’s not something I felt comfortable telling people in my earliest years as a mother. I was afraid that my occasional urges to grab, scream at, shake or whack my children meant that there was something wrong with me. I was afraid these urges meant that I could never be the kind of gentle, attached mother I wanted to be. And mostly, I was afraid I might lose control and actually do the things I sometimes felt like doing.

Now that I’ve got some parenting experience under my belt --my children are 13, 9 and 6 years old – I am less afraid of the powerful and angry feelings each of them can sometimes evoke in me. I am also less afraid to admit those feelings. I have come to discover that virtually all mothers, including the ones whose mothering I most admire, sometimes feel the urge to smack one of their kids upside the head, or at least turn them over their knee.

The problem is that far too many people give in to those urges, and that as a culture, we continue to believe that “spanking” -- our benign-sounding euphemism for hitting children – continues to enjoy widespread acceptance as an effective and humane way of guiding children.

But spanking isn’t effective or humane. Study after study has demonstrated that parents who spank do not raise healthier, more productive, or more mentally sound adults than those who do not. In fact, the opposite is more often true. Yet many otherwise thoughtful and loving parents continue to buy into the myth that spanking offers important benefits, and that it’s an inevitable part of parenting.

I knew before I gave birth for the first time that I didn’t want to use corporal punishment to guide my kids, but when I would tell people this, they would respond with, “Oh, you say that now….,” with a knowing grin, assuming that I would eventually give up on this ridiculous idea of gentle discipline. But I didn’t give up on it.

I readily admit that I have not been perfect in my goal of gentle discipline. I have screamed at, threatened, and come very close to hitting my children on more than one occasion, but these behaviors have never found a permanent place in my parenting toolbox.

I will never forget the one time I did totally lose it and hit one of my children. It happened when my daughter was about three years old and had decided she would no longer wear clothing. At all. Ever.

We were late for some event and I had gotten her completely dressed, but when I went to scoop her up and dash out the door, she was stripped back down to her underwear. At this point, I snapped and smacked her on her rear end. Except I missed her very small bottom and my hand instead landed on her lower back, where it left a red, hand-shaped mark.

She stared at me in horror, having never been struck in her life. I stared back in equal horror. Then she said to me in a small, quavering voice I will never forget, “Mama, why did you hit me?” I burst into tears and held her and rocked her and assured her that I was very, very sorry and that she could trust me to never hit her again. I told her that it was never okay for anyone to strike her.

That night, as I tried to fall asleep, I couldn’t get the incident out of my mind. I realized that I certainly did not want my daughter to grow up believing that sometimes, under the “right” circumstances, she deserved to be hit by the people she loves. I reaffirmed my vow to myself that I would raise my children without violence.

Despite several near-misses over the years – times when I have had to leave the room, scream into a pillow, or take deep breaths and count to ten to avoid lashing out at my children – it’s a vow I have managed to keep. And wonder of wonder, it’s working.

My children are polite, well-behaved (most of the time), thoughtful people. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding, and when people compliment me on the kids’ behavior, I always make a point to say that I don’t spank them. And on the days when one of them is making me feel like sticking my head in the oven, I find that it helps for me to vent to friends who have children even older than mine – parents who also avoid physical punishment - so these mothers and fathers can remind me how well their kids have turned out …without spankings or other harsh disciplinary methods.

This is why I recommend that parents of very young children who want to avoid punitive and physical discipline methods spend time around parents of older children who hold the same views. On the days when your toddler is making you insane and you feel ready to pull out the wooden spoon for a few swats on a diapered bottom, it helps to see the end product of gentle discipline: kids who behave well because they trust and believe in their parents’ guidance, not because they are afraid they will be slapped, spanked or worse.

As for whether spanking is a humane method of discipline, it is not. The fact that so many parents continue to employ corporal punishment doesn’t make it any more humane. After all, it wasn’t so many decades ago that many people believed that, should a husband feel it necessary, he had the right to strike his wife.

One of these days, our attitudes about hitting kids – the most vulnerable members of our families – will similarly evolve so that we will look back on the practice of “spanking” as another form of domestic violence. These are strong words, but I believe them.

Getting through the days, the weeks and eventually, the years of parenting without using physical discipline is, in itself a discipline. I find that having made the promise to myself that I will not resort to hitting provides me with the parenting “North Star” I can use to re-orient myself when I feel angriest. And I have also found that when I am feeling most out-of-control in my parenting, it’s a signal to me that something else is going on in my life, something that needs some of my attention and reflection.

In picking up this important book by Hilary Flower, you have taken a first step in finding your own parenting “true north.” In it, you will find many specific ideas and strategies for raising healthy, happy, well-behaved children using gentle discipline that really works.

And remember, on the really hard days, there’s always the tried and true method of finding a place in your home where no one can hear you, closing the door, and screaming at the top of your lungs until the urge to throttle your child passes, at least for the moment.

Copyright Katie Allison Granju -- 2004 -- All Rights Reserved

author attention deficit disorder

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 10 Nov 2004 01:36:00 +0000

Although I am frankly frightened by the amount of psychotropic drugs now being taken by kids, I have to admit that I've become intrigued by the topic of ADD. I am researching the topic for an article I'm writing for a magazine.

As I read through the symptoms, I realized that I would unquestionably have been diagnosed with ADD if I were a kid now instead of a kid in the 70s and 80s. Except for discipline problems at home and in the classroom, I had just about every single symptom.

And in fact, I still do. I clearly fit the adult ADD profile, which is why writing and editing are a good job fit for me. I get to do new things every week or even every day, so I never have to stay with something beyond the limit of my very scattered attention span.

fiat & leo

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 01:56:00 +0000

This is my Jack Russell mix, Fiat. He has become very itchy and I am getting a lot of advice to stop feeding him any dogfood with corn in it. If it will help, I'll do it, but I'm skeptical. So if you have had good luck with helping an itchy dog by cutting corn out, let me know.

I have two dogs, Fiat and Leo, who is a 4 month old Great Pyrenees puppy. Leo already weighs over 50 pounds and is growing really fast. But Fiat, who only weighs 20 lbs and, because he is an has stubby little short legs, totally dominates Leo. He tells him when he can eat, how close he can get to the sofa when Fiat is sitting on it, which toys Leo is allowed to pick up... It's pretty funny, but I do wonder at what point Leo will realize that HE should be bossing runty Fiat around.

Having a Jack Russell and a Great Pyrenees (Leo is my second GP by the same name), demonstrates to me every day how much of dog behavior is genetic. Jack Russells are bre to ne speedy, super active, fast-thinking dogs with a high prey drive. GPs are very calm and dignified -- sometimes seeming aloof - and wouldn't think of chasing a cat or squirrel.

But neither breed is very good at following obedience commands. They are both stubborn as all get out.

I wonder what it says about me that these are my two favorite dog breeds... Maybe that I have some kind of personality disorder ;-)

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 07 Nov 2004 01:52:00 +0000

Fiat

producer 101

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 02 Nov 2004 01:55:00 +0000

Today, the first TV piece I've ever written & produced aired. As someone who has always written for print/online. It was fun to see my words become pictures. I was so lucky to get to work with the most talented and generous Bill Williams, a legend in TV news in these parts. He was tremendously encouraging and patient with me.

Let me know what you think.

autumn jumping

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Mon, 25 Oct 2004 01:12:00 +0000

My favorite part of riding is jumping. Today I spent several perfect hours at my friend Ann's farm riding her quarter horse, Anna. We jumped and jumped - in the ring and out cross-country -- and it was seriously fun. It's especially fun when all the leaves are turning in beautiful East Tennessee.

If you have never gone riding on a sunny October day, I suggest you remedy the situation ASAP.

the naughty mama

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sat, 23 Oct 2004 19:55:00 +0000

Along with all the other great stuff you will find at LiteraryMama.com, is this: Sex and the Suburbs -- notes from the romantic life & times of a real married mama with little kids.

I know who the naughty mama in question is (and it isn't me), but my lips are sealed.

writing it all down

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 22 Oct 2004 15:16:00 +0000

""As for me, I've chosen to follow a simple course: Come clean. And wherever possible, live your life in a way that won't leave you tempted to lie. Failing that, I'd rather be disliked for who I truly am than loved for who I'm not. So I tell my story. I write it down. I even publish it. Sometimes this is a humbling experience. Sometimes it's embarrassing. But I haul around no terrible secrets."

----Joyce Maynard

let them eat cake

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:32:00 +0000

I have a new column published today about my slacker-mom approach to feeding my kids.

Let me know what you think.

eureka! it's all about the hair.

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 16:40:00 +0000

After emptying my e-mail inbox of ten more messages from people who wanted me to watch the hilarious raw video feed of John Edwards fluffing his abundant hair, I had a sudden epiphany.

95% of the friends and family members who sent me the Edwards video were white men over the age of 35. All of them plan to vote for Bush & Cheney. And .... all of them are losing their hair or worried about losing their hair!

So it came to me in a flash: NASCAR dads and Angry White Guys are never going to vote for two men -- John Kerry & John Edwards --with such unusually lustrous, thick and gorgeous hair! They feel threatened by all that good hair. I mean, the market for hair restoration products for white guys wouldn't be so huge if American men DIDN'T envy men with really good hair -- men, dare I say it, like John Edwards and John Kerry.

And look at Cheney, whom these guys do support. He's bald as an egg. A coincidence? I think not. And Bush's hair is mediocre at best.

merry pranksters

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 19 Oct 2004 17:22:00 +0000

When I got home from work the other night, my children were rolling around on the lawn in stitches. They had talked our nanny into driving them to Bush-Cheney HQ after school and picking up a large "W: The President" yard sign. Then they replaced our Kerry sign with the Bush one. They couldn't wait for me to drive up and freak out that someone had switched our signs. It would have been a good joke except that the fact that they were howling with laughter and pointing at the sign sort of gave them away. I gave them an "A" for initiative though.

fireplaces

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Tue, 19 Oct 2004 02:13:00 +0000

Lots of people I know long for light, bright, airy houses. I prefer a warm, private sort of space where I can coccoon for an afternoon with a good book and feel like I won't be bothered.

I like warm wood and old paisley prints and enveloping velvet and drape-y silk. I like stacks of books and old lamps and cozy nooks and crannies.

But most of all, I love sitting in front of a fireplace, which is what I'm doing right now.

Evenings, after my children are tucked in, I have an hour or two (depending how tired I want to be the next day) all to myself to relax in front of my fireplace with a book and a glass of something good. My dogs, Fiat and Leo, usually stretch out in front of the fire with me. It's my favorite time of day and my favorite spot.

I think maybe I like fireplaces so much because I grew up in an old farmhouse in Bell Buckle, TN with no electric heat of any kind. We heated with wood and were cold a lot of the time (I swear to God I slept in a hat and mittens in the winter. My parents seemed to believe that it would improve our character to know what it feels like to be cold unless someone went out and got more wood from the pile.) but the room with the woodstove was always toasty and I spent many afternoons sprawled out in front of the fire, reading. Now my children do the same, although we do HAVE heat we can turn on if we like.

Tonight the children and I were hanging out in front of the fire together. It sort of lulls them into a sleepy mood. They were each drawing or reading and Elliot, my six year old, said out of the blue: "Mama, I'm glad we don't have TV and I'm glad we have a fireplace." This was a switch, since my children tell me relatively often that I am ruining their lives by refusing to get cable (we DO have a TV, but it only gets two network channels).

I told him that I agree.

today

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Sun, 17 Oct 2004 01:11:00 +0000

Today was one of those perfect fall days...sunny and cool. About 60 degrees. Time to pull out the jeans and sweaters.

It was also a very busy day, with all three children doing their things. First up was a drive to a horse show at Noah's Ark Farm where I dropped Jane off to spend the day with our friends from Dogwood Hunt Club. Jane wasn't showing, but she wanted to hang out with her gaggle of horse show pals for the day.

Then we headed back toward Knoxville, where I dropped Henry off at the paintball field for his weekly league game.

After that, we raced to Lakeshore Park for Elliot's soccer game. He was very worried we were late (and I was too), but we got there in time. His team was playing his best friend Teddy's team, which was cute. Elliot and Teddy love each other. I always wonder at what age (they are both 6 now)they will stop greeting each other with desperate hugs of happiness every time they see one another. Never, I hope ;-)

The game was good. Elliot, as always, turns off the silliness as soon as the game starts and is 100% focused. He is very assertive and quick and just generally a really good player. He loves it, too. After the game, he was invited to go home and spend the night with Teddy, so I left alone.

Then it was back for paintball watching (which I admit to not understanding at all). I can never figure out which team won or why. But I try to pay attention and not look bored ;-)

I am honest with Henry that given my druthers, I would rather watch a horseshow than do just about anything else, so after a while I went and watched the show with my friend Ann Casady (who owns Dogwood). She had seven really nice ponies showing and all their kids did very well.

Horse show kids have their own fashions and it amuses me to see how they all dress alike even when they aren't showing that day. Dozens of little girls, all with loooong hair (better for braiding under a helmet), Dansko clogs and horsey-themed t-shirts. The kids showing that day also wear their breeches or jodphurs and the new thing is ribbon belts straight out of The Preppy Handbook (circa 1984).

When Sydney Casady finished her classes, she left to come spend the night with us. I love Sydney -- I would adopt her in an instant -- so I'm happy when she and Jane get to play together.

And now my niece Eleanor is here as well and Henry has gone to eat Indian Food with my sister and brother in law.

A good day, all in all.

urban hipster parents

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 15 Oct 2004 21:02:00 +0000

"I believe if God hadn’t meant for my daughters to be attired in Moschino, He would not have their toddler line discounted at Century 21."

Or so says Mary Elizabeth Williams in her hilarious essay today.

hurrah for trial lawyers

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Fri, 15 Oct 2004 16:51:00 +0000

I am so sick of the Republican Party blaming everything from the flu vaccine shortage to the Space Shuttle crash on trial lawyers.

In my experience, just as with abortion, people are generally opposed to trial lawyers until they or someone they love needs one.

I sincerely doubt that George Bush or Bill O'Reilly or Ann Coulter would not sue if their child or parent or best friend or THEY were badly injured by a careless doctor or crazy driver.

Of course, if one of these people wanted to sue, they could pay an attorney up front to represent their interests. However, if the average, working or middle class American needs to seek redress through the civil court system, they wouldn't be able to but for the fact that trial lawyers are willing to work on contingency, meaning that if one of these lawyers take the case and lose, they make not one penny.

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Thu, 14 Oct 2004 17:21:00 +0000

Jane jumping Reba

voodoo hand in the peace camp

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 13 Oct 2004 20:51:00 +0000

My favorite quote (among many) from this story is this one:

''It sort of looked like a voodoo hand, with hooked, beckoning fingers."

Dana "Daytrippn" Wilson

And I think I'm changing my middle name, too.

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 13 Oct 2004 01:28:00 +0000

Elliot amusing himself at a horse show

noreply@blogger.com (Julie) — Wed, 13 Oct 2004 01:24:00 +0000

Here is a picture of Henry, age 13 as of last week.